When I write my notes into 5x10 index cards, I leave my WMP on and just let it play, kinda helps me to relax. It always works when you listen to music in the language you don't understand, ie Korean.
I don't really understand Korean so. Best. 짱!
Right now, listening to older albums from two of my favorite singers - K.Will and My Aunt Mary.
Honestly? My Aunt Mary got me at "Monologue", first track of their 4th album (before Circle) "Drift".
K.Will...though I love his latest EP to bits, unfortunately, this first album is still on testing grounds a.k.a not so much ... yet. I hope to love it as much as his EP. K.Will's voice is a little more husky and raw, though he's still good. This album has a bit more R&B feel compared to his EP which was ballad-y.
K.Will's "왼쪽가슴 Left Heart"
I am serious. Even his titular track didn't really strike any bell in me. Not like his EP. Sigh.
But maybe after a few listens I will like it more. Right now, K.Will's "Dropping The Tears" EP will be the favorite, until he releases a new album. Please, can we have it by next year K.Will oppa?
On a related note: Since Fly To The Sky's hiatus as a duo, Brian and Hwanhee are working on solo projects. And Hwanhee's first solo is coming out next month! Can't wait! XD
On another related note: J and Tim, two of my most favorite solos aren't stirring any waters and I'm a little impatient. Can J-unni please release a full-length album end of this year or by mid-year next year? Tim-oppa also. 제발 부탁해요. Been waiting for them since 2007!
Wednesday
A product of literally blood, sweat and tears. First degree project. One more stop to say goodbye.
That means, I'm bonded to my studies. Should I find it distasteful and not my area after all, I can't just pack my bags, leave a note and ciao.
Today I found out that the auditions for JYP Entertainment is on (thanks to Wonder Girls' tweets). From Seoulbeats' Ellie's blog, I also found out that SM Entertainment (yup, the one currently in court with DBSK's three members) is also having auditions.
I tweeted that and dearest CK replied and told me to go for it (the JYPE one).
But I can't.
First, the auditions are all in the states, which then I found out that actually you can send in a recording through email.
Secondly, I'm not sure I have the qualifications to be in that industry, much less those companies.
Thirdly, I'm sort of bonded to my current music school. Since my music school is the equivalent of JYPE Education program and SM Academy, basically...you can call me a trainee. But of course, not all trainees get to become One Day or Wonder Girls or the whole slew of SM idols.
And my bond ends when I quit my classes or finish my course. So technically, I'm not a trainee in that Kpop sense.
But because of this 'bond', I can't audition for other places.
"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I, I was not made for here." -Brooke Fraser, C.S. Lewis Song
Let me start off by saying this. This is solely my opinion and I am not naming anyone cause I don't know any of them personally so I cannot talk about their actions. As long as their motives serves their conscience and values, I have no say and will not say anything.
~~
DongBangShinKi
In view of the legal war between DBSK and their company SM Entertainment, there were many comments flying around. Many who sided with DBSK for fairer treatment and cursed (yes, cursed) SM Entertainment to the depths of hell.
Though I am no Cassie, neither am I a legal practitioner, but I can understand why DBSK wants this. Will it work? We don't know but it will definitely shake something up.
But as my ex-lecturer and I were talking about this, I realised that this issue is only big because DBSK is big. But this issue is not foreign. Many higher management have taken the unscrupulous path and the employees suffer the consequences. You've heard of them. Enron is the classic example.
Only SM Entertainment play a slightly different game. Instead of playing only with numbers, they play with contract statements.
But I'm not here to talk about that.
~~
I love Kpop. I do. I still do.
But it saddens my heart to see the industry squander itself away like so many other pop industries. Especially an (East Asian) industry that has the highest number of professing Christians.
Girls have to be gorgeous or cute or pretty, notwithstanding talents. In that matter, I totally applaud YG and 2NE1.
Girls' Generation (SNSD), Wonder Girls and 2NE1
With the rise of girl groups, the competition becomes fiercer and girls then go lengths to just stay on the top. You can figure out what lengths they go yourself.
Although this time round, the girls are dominating the stage but for a while in early summer, boys took the reins for a while. Super Junior, 2PM, 2AM, SHINee...These boy groups have since said their goodbyes to Korean stage and went on to conquer variety shows and Japan alike.
With all that swirling whirl of activities, I wonder. I just wonder if they ever stop and ask themselves, "What am I doing?"
And I wonder if fans ever stop and ask, "What am I doing?"
And I wonder if netizens ever stop and ask, "What am I doing?"
I totally understand the pressure that a celebrity have, especially the idol celebrity. They are really what we call in Chinese 四面楚歌, which basically means to be beseiged from all sides.
You have the top management, people like SM, JYP, YG and all the other abbreviations you can think of. Once you are contracted to them, you are styled according to THEIR concept. You sing the songs they tell you to sing. You speak what they tell you to speak. Sounds like puppetry?
Well, think it this way:
You work in a company, you sign a contract, you have to abide with those rules. You can't take more leaves than what was stipulated.
Artistes are also employees, only with a more "glamourous" image and a slightly different contract but it's the same.
So, then.
You have your fans.
DBSK's Cassiopeias
I love fans. I studied them for my FYP. I find them absolutely fascinating, scholarship-worthy. But they are also the ones that can break their so-called idols.
Idols, you have an image that you portray. Example, Hero JaeJoong is the pretty boy type. Siwon is the hunk with chocolate abs. One wrong step, like saying some supposedly racist remarks like Taeyeon, or even something more compromising like sex tape scandals like those of Ivy and Baek Ji Young, and you pretty much degraded your own image.
That's why you have things like anti-fans though I find anti-fans the most pointless people on earth. If your whole purpose is to bring down someone, I think you got major issues with yourselves.
But let's not go into anti-fans cause fans are also those who overstep the border and start thinking as if they are the managers or the company management instead. Which basically means the same thing as those companies. You feel as if you have to abide with their rules and please them always. You must be a truly omniscient and omnipotent god to them.
The other extreme would be for the sake of their idols, fans totally take things into their own hands. Case in point, ELFs and their "Only 13" issue. THAT is why I call myself an indie ELF.
Of course, I'm not bashing fans here. I'm raising the point about fanatics. There are those who show genuine respect and loyalty to their idols. Those who know when to back away and when to just show their support by either buying the CDs, merchandises, attend the events and probably just say to their idols, "오빠, 아자! 파이팅! (Oppa, a-ja! fighting!)" or even more personal emotions like "사랑해! (saranghae!)"
Bless these fans' heart.
Next, you have your support "organisations". Your church, your family, your community, your school, your university.
Unfortunately, I find many churches are either silent on this matter, too free or too conservative about Christian celebritites. That's why the celebrities get confused. Even with their own grounded faith, they cannot be allowed to be alone in this. The church needs to be a supporting structure for these celebrities. When I say support doesn't mean freely allow, but more of keeping them accountable. Know this, celebs are leaders as much as pastors and elders of the church. We are all called to fulltime in serving God, not necessarily just within the church office.
Seriously, where do you draw the line? When celebs dance in skimpy outfits, there is only criticism from the church. Yes, I personally don't agree with skimpy outfits cause we are all called to modesty. But that's where there is no follow up. Please, let us not point fingers. The church needs to help their members.
I'm no holy saint. Heck, I compromise more often than you can recite John 3:16 a hundred times. It is by God's mercy and grace that I am saved, period.
And then, you have yourself. You dictate yourself to behave in certain ways. "Oh, they are more sexy. I guess to be that, I need to be do this and that." With all these pressures, you face the danger of losing your own self in the end. Why do we hear about celebs taking drugs? Doing silly things? Going for rehab? Going to a psychiatrist? Becoming violent? (Okay, violence can be inherent to a person's personality, but you get what I mean.)
You get depress, you write anxiously and you joke about them later. It's not about getting a girlfriend/boyfriend. It's about getting inner peace and comfort. Filling that void that only Someone can fill. You look in the mirror and you get more insecure with yourself. The incessant pressures...
It's only those with a faith strong enough can withstand all these but God did not intend us to walk alone.
There is no glamour in being a celebrity. I think it's much safer being a normal ordinary person, working a normal ordinary job, but living an extraordinary life. Celebs can't go anywhere, can't do anything without certain fingers pointed at them.
If you donate money to the charity, good for you. But when celebs donate money to the charity...
"Ah, it's all for show." "Hypocrites." "Publicity stunt!"
Maybe that's why Jesus had said to give discreetly. XD
But anywayz.
I wrote in my Facebook that sometimes it's good to go away from something you are passionate about to come back with a more mature passion.
King Solomon, when he was wiser, had said that everything is meaningless, like a chasing of the wind.
That's why it's good to see celebs like Park Ji Yoon pauses, take a long break and come back with a more solid performance. Not all the time, yes. Cause it depends what did you do during the break. I haven't heard Brian's (FTTS) solo comeback (not released yet), but from what I gather from his tweets and FB updates, I think his comeback will be solid indeed. :)
~~
I'm taking a break from Kpop not because I'm sick of subpar talents and overdose of dance tracks, but because I myself need a reality check. Why did I like Kpop? Call me a deep thinker, but I like to be passionate about things that brings substance. When you are devoted to something, you need to have a bigger purpose than just a shallow love for music or good looks.
In another way, I pray that Christian celebs, not just in Kpop but in every entertainment-filled country, will be supported and be strengthened in their faith. Although, yes, Jesus is enough and God is sovereign, but men's hearts are deceitful. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Again, God did not intend for us to walk alone. And in turn, they will reach out to the people around them and the people who listens to them and bless them.
"What am I doing?"
"I'm an entertainer that wants to bring glory to God."
"I want to leave a legacy, How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering A child of mercy and grace Who'd bless Your name Unapologetically And leave that kind of legacy" - Nichole Nordeman, Legacy
I've been listening to pure Kpop nowadays, which mostly comprises of dance tracks from Brown Eyed Girls, Super Junior, Girls' Generation and the whole slew from Music Bank -- KARA, 4Minute, 2NE1, T-ara....
And I surprised myself, that I also wished I could be like them, singing while dancing, strutting like that, going all that sexy mexy rexy nexy (O.o) moves.
I even had a tiny thought about going clubbing.
WhhaaaaHtt? Me. Thinking about going clubbing.
Whoa, back up a little there, Reb! That's not me.
God gently reminded me this morning about why I am singing.
And there's no thunder cracking, no earthquake, no train hit, just a simple "Owh."
Yeah, I remember then, the purpose of me being here on earth, the purpose of me being blessed with an unique voice (for a Chinese) and the purpose of my purposes.
If I can't bless my listeners, if I can't glorify Him, however excellent I am, I have failed.
We sang 'Salvation Is Here' during celebration today. Wow. I remember the days of excitement and undying passion. And that bass solo (which Lemuel grooved) is gold (equivalent of sick, wicked, what-have-you).
As Switchfoot sang,
This is home Now I'm finally where I belong Where I belong Yeah, this is home I've been searching for a place of my own Now I've found it Maybe this is home Yeah this is home
I've come too far And I won't go back Yeah this is home
So, I may never be a dance queen (cause frankly I can't dance to save my life ANYWAY) but I sure can bless people and help them. And...
