죽었어.

그대라서...

아픔도 받아야 해?

못난 말들 듣고 싶지 않아도 꼭 참아?

언제까지 이렇게 살아야 해?

난 정말 힘들어서, 미친도록 참을 수 없어서...이제부터 포기 하고 싶어...

사랑? 사랑 또 뭐니?

밥? 물? 공기? 생명?

다 아니라..그냥 어떤 감정이야...

죽었던 감정...

The Now, The Dream...

I could never love again

When there’s just so much pain

You could never change

Nothing could ever be the same

I was a fool to think

That you were everything

To me it was like heaven

But then you were only human

Fall from the sky above

Hitting hard on the earth

Hope diminishes so quickly

You conquested so easily

I wish it is all a dream

But these tears has streamed

Down without restriction

It was all pretentious affection

I could never love again

When there’s just so much pain

You were all that I need

Guess I was too naive

Story Idea 3: Violin

I usually have ideas for music videos more than movies or dramas. Perhaps it's because one of my dreams is to direct a music video. :/

But the below is just a story idea. No particular genre or medium in mind.

**

There's a girl who likes to cycle a lot. She cycled to almost everywhere she goes. She don't consider it as a sport. She just likes to cycle, see everything's that's around her and then appreciate what she have in life.

Because.

She doesn't have hands.

From the title you can see that music must have been related. Well...partly true. No, she's not a piano player. Rather, she builds violins! (How's that for a job description?)

She was born with hands, but due to an accident, she lost both limbs. She wanted to create another Stradivarius but now she can't.

Dejected? Yes.

It was through a friend that she learned to cycle. Her friend? She met at the physical rehab. ..

**

I'm distracted by trying to help another friend with his/her dilemma. So before I start writing cliches like her-friend-doesn't-have-legs-and-was-a-cyclist-but-he-has-hands...

Story Idea 2: Mirror

It's only when we keep on writing, then we become more original I guess.

**

A man lost his fiancee to a kidnapping ring when a rescue operation gone terribly wrong. He suffered a great deal because of the loss and buried himself with work and lecturing. He is a part-time lecturer in the university he studied. The new semester started and one day, as he was lecturing, a latecomer walked in and shocked him. She had the same face as his fiancee.

Curious and bewildered, he tried to search more into her identity, but it seems that she was not related to his fiancee in any way, other than they had the same facial features. Worse, is that she's similar with his fiancee in terms of personality as well. She's extroverted and often late for appointments, just like his fiancee, except she's got a huge passion for animals and drinks like anything. His fiancee hated animals and has a very low tolerance for alcohol.

The man could not help but fall in love for her as she was so similar to his late love. His fiancee's parents, who had been supporting him and been his family throughout the years, were very surprised and confused, and they could not support his choice. To them, he was as if, still stuck in the past. They hoped he would find himself a nice girl, someone more different...

The thing he couldn't get out of his head however was the identity of the girl. She appeared to be an adopted daughter of a laundrymat owner. The father is a burly but quiet man. He refused to divulge any secrets regarding his daughter.

One day the girl went missing, and the man's fears resurfaces again. After trying so many ways to contact her, she appeared outside his house and revealed something about herself...

...

(Ending unknown)

***

Melodrama? Thriller? Horror? Sci-Fi? Fantasy? Wow. Quite a lot of genres.

Story Idea 1: Untitled

I still dream to write for a film/drama one day. Or at least direct one. Hehe. That's my dream.

I tend to write melodrama. So sue me. And right now, it's very Korean. :P

***

3 years ago, a woman decided to end life support for her husband. Her husband was a elite ski jumper but got into an accident that caused him to be brain dead. It was a difficult decision but she did it.

For 3 years she has been plagued with the same nightmare, in which she would always wake up crying and regretting that she has pulled the plug. She often wonders if she did not do it, will he wake up?

Everyone around her tried to comfort her and tell her that it's okay, but she still get those nightmares.

One day she met a 11-year-old girl in the bookshop where she and her husband used to always patronize but she stopped going after her husband died. The girl has just lost her parents in a skiing accident 3 months ago and the only place she find solace is the bookshop, which her parents owned and ran. The woman and the girl bonded.

Her nightmares have gotten worse, causing the woman to lose sleep. She lost her job and wonder if there's anything left for her to live. She considered taking her own life but was stopped by a phone call from the girl. The girl was celebrating her birthday and she wanted her friend to be with her.

She then remembered, that the day was her wedding anniversary. Reluctantly she went and celebrate the birthday with the girl. She was surprised when the girl passed her a letter addressed to her. Her husband had passed the letter to the little girl to ask her to pass the letter to his wife on their 10th wedding anniversary, which was that day itself. Overwhelmed, the woman broke down in tears.

...

(Ending unknown)

***

I wanted to write a longer thing but I figured a short film will do. I guess there's a lot of things people deal with regarding this life-support thing. The trauma that they go through. But my idea unfortunately ended there. Heh.

2 A.M.

She smiles radiantly, then bows to the audience, while placing her hand at her chest in a polite manner.

Then she walks off the stage, still holding up her smile.

Yet her eyes could not conceal her shock at the lukewarm reception, her emerging tears and her want of solace.

People around her smiles cordially at her, some even encourages her and pats her on her back.

Yet her eyes could not turn away from those who gave her a smile and starts to whisper behind her back.

She goes into her dressing room to change back into her normal street clothes. Her eyes reddened and perhaps this was just the beginning of worse things to come. She knows how brutal and critical people can be.

There is someone at the door. She quickly wipes a tear away and opens the door, while trying to fake a yawn. It is just her performing partner who quickly asks if anything was wrong. She lies and says she was tired. They talk a bit more and she feels better.

She quickly changes and goes through the side entrance, while her manager waits for her. She gets into the van and draws down the curtains even if it is dark outside.

Her heart is strong, she knows. She has endured criticisms before and she can do it once again.

Yet, she wishes that she could be better then. She keeps telling herself that she has done her best and she can only hope for the best.

Suddenly, she wants to go home. Back to her parents who will not judge her, back to her old bed which will embrace her.

She shakes her head. No. She cannot afford to let herself be caught up like this. She is a celebrity and she knows this is the price she has to pay and has paid.

Her manager asks if she is okay. She just smiles at him and say "Of course!". She brings the window into view and looks out. Yes, she has done her best, she will do better next time.

She wonders, how long do I have to do this?

She ponders, where is my passion for my talent? Is it gone? What am I doing this for again?

She smiles sadly and closes her eyes, pretending she was tired, pretending she is just wanting to take a nap while she tried to make her mind to take her higher, away from this all.

She is shaken by her manager. She must have really fallen asleep.

She asks what time is it. It is 2 in the morning. A few hours before the whole routine starts again.



It'd be good if she can go home instead. Even if it's just for a few hours.

It Will Be Beautiful a.k.a My Sweet Smelling Love

For once in Lynn's life, she is faced with a dilemma. Often decisive, never back out once she made a decision, Lynn is the epitome of a risk-taker. Her motto is "I dare, therefore I do." But of course, she is not like me, who takes any risk. She calculates her steps, but never does she think twice. Except now.

Kris is playing with his keys, a habit he usually overlooks especially when he gets stressed or distraught. And he is distraught now. His heart felt like it is not pumping in a regular rhythm, and cold beads of sweat is starting to form on his forehead. Kris wiped them away, the smell of copper and metal lingered at his nose.

The time is reversed. Lynn had just argued with her boyfriend. She was mad at his irresponsibility and had thrown him out from her cafe. Her boyfriend, whom we will call Soo for now, was a partner in Lynn's cafe. They both came to know each other in the baking school and decided to open a cafe together. In order not to clash with Soo's talents in baking, Lynn took charge of the accounts and left Soo in the kitchen. Soo, however, had a problem in investing in stock markets and often borrowed money from Lynn. It is after Lynn put down her foot that Soo decided to sell his partnership off to Kris.

Kris was an owner of a dry cleaning chain before Soo sold his partnership to him. Kris was tricked into believing that Lynn also wanted to sell off the cafe. Kris thought that it would be a good idea for his new outlet expansion plan. Only, Lynn had never thought of selling.

Kris met Lynn for the first time to talk about buying over her part of the deal. Lynn obviously had not heard the transaction and was appalled at the idea. Kris realised what a fool he had been and went to seek out Soo. Soo of course, took the money and ran away, leaving Kris with a plan gone haywire and Lynn without a baker. (Of course, Lynn is a baking school graduate. She can fill the place easily.)

Kris and Lynn started off being very distant to each other, since they have no idea who each other were. Lynn, being her decisive self wanted Kris out, opting to buy over her boyfriend's (make that ex.) share. Kris at first wanted to be adamant about it, but later realised that it was probably better to give up and get someplace else.

That someplace else turned out to be next door to the cafe. The previous owner ran a restaurant and therefore there was a certain amount of renovation needed to change it into a dry cleaner. The noise and dust became unbearable to Lynn's customer and therefore there were fewer customers. Also the baking quality seemed to have gone down a little as Lynn's skills are not as strong as Soo.

Lynn had to find a way out of this. Therefore she started treating the renovation workers. In return, she asked them to quickly finish the work. Kris bumped into Lynn as she went around the neighborhood and promoted her cafe.

Kris became attracted to Lynn for her hardworking and intelligence. He became the regular in her cafe. At first Lynn find his presence a little annoying since he often ordered the cheapest bread and coffee only, then he sits down in the cafe for a long time. Slowly, Lynn grew amused and became fond of Kris as well.

One night, Lynn, overworked due to the need to juggle between baking and management, fell asleep in her office while she was waiting for the meat to roast. Kris who passed by to inspect his store, smelled burning meat and tried to open the locked door of the cafe. Kris managed to save the day just in time before the smoke kills Lynn. Kris realised how much he was afraid to see Lynn lying unconscious. Lynn, on the other hand, was grateful to Kris.

Kris decided to ask Lynn out for a date. They both enjoyed each other's company and fell so much in love before they even realised it.

Then, Soo came back. In a surprising event, Kris' longtime girlfriend had also returned. Lynn felt betrayed by Kris for cheating on her and his girlfriend. Kris on the other hand, felt that his girlfriend was no longer his girlfriend. She had after all, left him suddenly just like Soo did to Lynn.

Lynn did not want Soo though Soo helped her to regain her customers by baking for her again. Kris' girlfriend wanted marriage and Kris felt torn between his new love for Lynn and his girlfriend's persistence. Kris had to decide. He was ready to break it off with his girlfriend when he saw Soo and Lynn looked happy together. Kris still decided to break it off anyway and brokenhearted, closed up his dry cleaning store and left.

Soo in fact, had a new love somewhere else. It was because of his new love that persuaded him to come back to ask for forgiveness, not just as an ex-boyfriend, but as a partner who bailed out. Soo and Lynn parted ways amicably and Lynn is left to herself. She suddenly felt lonely, and started to miss Kris, though she had to convince herself that Kris is getting married.

One day, two letters arrived by mail. One was a letter from her mother, asking Lynn to go back and take over the family's business as her father is lying ill. Another was a letter without a sender, containing nothing but a picture of Lynn's cafe shop front, with Lynn sitting alone at the window. There was only a line: "I miss this place. I'll be coming back." The picture and the envelope smelled of a launderette. Lynn immediately knew who the sender was.

Lynn now sits where she was depicted in the picture and did not know what to do. Should she give up all and go back to her parents? She loved her cafe. But she loved her parents as well. And there was Kris. A memory she could not erase. Is he not married? The manager at the other dry cleaning shop told her that he had break up with his girlfriend but left town nonetheless, thinking that his true love was with another man.

If he said he was coming back, will she want to wait for him? But what if he comes back to announce about another relationship? Yes, it had only been a few months apart, but much could have happened. Lynn is distressed and unsure...

A Dreaming Sea

I had a dream just now.

Like a fleeting image, if I do not write it down I would forget it.


Jisun - Rollercoaster Love

I was once again at my old neighbourhood. The place where I grew up for the past 10 years. I spent the most of my childhood here and my teenage forming years here. But I did not go to my house, rather, I stood inside a club, and went into the manager's office to take the motorbike key. The manager was a friend. I passed by a lonely stranger drinking. I did not see his face, I only saw the back of his head. He was bald. But I was wearing my helmet and couldn't see well. The helmet felt heavy on my head.

I left the club, happy and went to the uncovered car park just outside the apartment blocks. There was the motorbike, owned by my sister, borrowed by me. I lifted it out from the enclosure and I heard singing. His voice was like the ones you hear on the radio, clear, deep and soulful. Interestingly, I did not find out whose voice it was. I only waited till the song finished.

I find myself riding the motorbike quite skillfully. I remember I rode it once, but only driving it at the first gear. Now, I sped up a little. And soon I was having a blast of a time.

And I came a stretch of road by the sea. Like a cliff overlooking the sea, I was amazed by the beauty of the sea.

At a distance, I saw hills and mountains nearer and bigger as I approach them, still sticking to the road. I've been here before, I told myself. This was my second escapade to the place. The dream had repeated itself. I saw rainbowful colours of water flowing down one mountain, another mountain had reflection like glass, reflecting the sun in rainbow colours.

I was awed. The mountain range kept its green and it was the most green green that you will ever see. The sea was a deep shade of bluish grey and very calm. The road in front of me began to be blocked by reddish rocks. I remembered the first time it happened. It will clear for me to pass through. What lies beyond the rocks, I did not pursue the second time. I just told myself that I want to bring my sister here the next time I come.

And then I wanted to take a picture.

And the whole dream suddenly took a sharp turn into an LG camera phone commercial, featuring a 15-megapixel camera, with its picture captured with excellent sharpness. The picture taken was a happy child on an amusement park ride. The child looked Asian. To take a picture, press the middle button.

I whipped out the phone to take the pictures of the mountains floating above the sea.

And I woke up.


*above is a true account. Dreams always have a weird way of associating your memories. But seriously, what's with the LG camera phone commercial? What does this mean, will I star in a LG commercial? Work in a LG account and this is my idea? 15 megapixel. Wow. I even remembered that. Haha.

Valentine's Drama

(Play the song while you read. I think it will add much to the emotions of the story. Haha. nb: it's gonna be cheesy. Didn't say I didn't warn you.)



I wish I can live in a fictitious world.

I can hold his hand and sing to him without feeling embarrassed in public. We maybe can walk to the park everyday, feel within our palms the warmness of our perspiration, which then cools down while we hold each others' hands again to warm our hearts up. Birds would fly across our heads and sing in their chorus.

When time stands still, we'd continue to sit by the stream to watch the sunset in ten different cities, capturing our laughter on the Polariod. We'd be able to frolic around like little children, our joy fills us throughout the day and all the way till tomorrow.

We would capture ourselves in slow motion, amidst a frenzy of haste, we would be able to see each others' hair slowly moving in the wind, our hearts being clearer for each other. We would be able to understand each other much better.

Now and then, a beautiful instrumental will play and we can savor those moments of true emotions. The sun will be in our eyes, the seas will not billow and roll, our fingers intertwined with our hearts in unison.

Not to forget, the villain will pose threats to our lives and yet again, another instrumental plays, showing us the urgency of the moment. Who will be the damsel in distress? Who will stand up to fight? Who will go and rescue our love? How great that reconciliation would be! With the enemy defeated and the victory won. Our tears would not have flown in vain. Wounds would heal and relationships would have been strengthened.

Once again, my fingers trailed yours, following the outlines one by one. Oh, how I will miss them when you are gone. How I will wish to be embraced by those big but gentle hands. My tears fall at night to think of your departure, my mind only registers your silhouette. And I had your hand to hold. Montages of our time together will flash before me, accompanied by another beautiful instrumental.

If I start to forget you, or who you are to me, I am only saved by your unconditional love. If we are trapped in a twilight zone, traveling back and forth, you would align your time to mine. And I would yours. I'd run to you after I read your worded confession and I would find you.

Of course, I would always miss him by seconds. I would be on the bus, he would just arrive at the station. He would be going into a lift, I will be coming out from another. We would find opposition from every side, and he would sometimes cry but I would not be able to see it. My pain, he would not see. But the other day when I tried to break up with him, he spotted me at the back of the taxi and started chasing the taxi. I, however, just cried and ask the driver to speed up.

You must have felt betrayed then, did you not?

And we will have montages of our time together flash before us at separate times but at the same heartbeat. Remember that ice-cream that fell on the ground? We were so hungry and greedy we both wanted to have that cherry. We then laughed at each others' distressed look. You looked so disappointed. Oh, do you remember the time when I was frightened by the cockroach? That was the first time we met.

If I could see your montage, I would see that when I almost drowned the other day, how you looked so frightened, so helpless and so dejected. You thought I would die that night. That was when you teared for the first time. I wished I could quickly wake up, throw in some sarcastic remark or simply just wipe away your tears. You would quickly wipe it before you see me I'm sure. You always tell me that men don't cry easily.

You would piggyback me, remember? I admit I am a clumsy girl, always breaking my heels, and you would chastise me, ask me to stop buying heels and start wearing flats, though I flatly refused. You thought you have got me converted to sneakers and Crocs, but I still beat you, my heels still won, though I still break them.

If we ever needed to break up, when times are tough and when both declared that we are both tired, I tried to let him go and he I. I would lock myself in the house and curl up on the bed and bury my tears under the sheets. He would drink himself to oblivion and curse himself for being so weak. If not, he would run to the edge of a cliff, a bridge or the beach and start yelling in exasperation. He is only human, and the separation would break both our hearts.

We will then rejoice in our reunion. I would run into his arms and squeal in delight. The big but gentle hands I greatly remember. He would light up fireworks for me and the whole park would be booked. We would skate on an empty rink, snuggle in front of the fire, swim together in the ocean, get stuck on a Ferris wheel or a cable car, ride bicycles together, wear couple shirts, read books together, watch a movie, watch the sunset and sunrise together, frolic in the water, wash the car together, take silly shots of ourselves...like how every other normal couples would do.

And with another beautiful instrumental, we would rock in our chairs as we start to lose our memory and agility, our hands still holding each others', till we close our eyes and are no more.


That is, if we lived in a fictitious world.

But even if we did not, I would still want to hold his hand and feel his big but gentle hand holding mine. Till I close my eyes and am no more.




(This story is fiction. I wanted to add some extra cheesiness, but even I got goosebumps. Eg. You must have felt betrayed then, did you not, darling? Ugh.

Happy Valentine's, everyone.)

The Dolphin Without A Fin 2

Why am I still writing this? Hmm. Food for thought.

*

The young dolphin finally got out from that 100 feet parameters. It was very strange, to see how one's parents would suddenly let go of him. He was almost sure that once he crossed the 100 feet boundary, his father or mother will come and get him.

101 feet...102 feet...103 feet...110 feet...120 feet...200 feet...

At first he swam gingerly, slowing down so that his parents would bring him back. When he reached the 200s, he felt sure that his parents have not noticed and he was free. He was free!

Such a revelation was too much to attain. It was like a dream come true. It was not that he did not appreciate his parents doting upon him, but rather, he just wanted to explore the world a bit and now he could. Telling himself not to turn back, he kept his eyes focused in front and occasionally went up to the surface to get some air. Then he would continue his journey.

At first, it was interesting, to see different species of fishes and all the odd and wonderful creatures of the undersea, corals too. Then, he began to feel lonely. He has never been away from home for long and was beginning to feel homesick. Maybe I should go back now. He often tell himself when he was tired and sick. But the problem was he did not know which way is home.

He has lost his way. Though he was an adult, he was still young in age and experience. The dolphin became depressed. When he went up to the surface for air, he would reminisce about how he would often went up for air with his parents back home.

The dolphin decided to find his way back home. He asked the fishes around him, described to them about his home, but they either laughed or shake their heads in ignorance. One day, he met a fish, who have seen both whales and dolphins before, and asked the fish if it knew the place he described.

Oh, how the fish stared and stared. It was as if it has never seen a strange sight like that before. The dolphin or that strange creature in front of it did not look like a dolphin though having its characteristic bottle-nose, but it is definitely not a whale. The fish, unable to contain its curiousity, asked: "Are you a dolphin?"

The dolphin felt a little annoyed and was taken aback by the question. He was asking if the fish knew how to go back home, not to be asked if he was a dolphin or not! He was unhappy, and as depressed as he was, he ignored the question and swam off.

But the fish was determined. It pursued the dolphin and continued to asked. Flustered and depressed, the dolphin turned and tried to silence the fish forever. He bursted out, "I'm a whale and I will eat you if you don't shut up!"

The fish, wherever it got its bravery from, instead of running away, stared very hard at the dolphin. The dolphin wondered why the fish did not balk at its threat. He tried again and said the same things again.

At the second time, the fish seemed to understood. Again, however, instead of running away or retreating, the fish stared for a second and suddenly burst into laughter.

Now the dolphin was furious. What is the meaning of all this tomfoolery? But before he could began to question the fish's supposed mocking, the fish spoke and asked, "Why do you have such a nose?"



Wrote this in Singapore, first night. Am reading The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins. Nothing to do with dolphins, but interesting book. I should have written about the whale instead. Next chapter.

The Dolphin Without A Fin 1

I am suddenly all geared up to go and write again. In English (only because my command of Chinese and Korean are much poorer) and instead of scripts, I'm again, venturing into short stories. I'm still crap at novel writing cause they are so much longer.

But of course, the more I write, the more I will get better at it. As writers always say, "Write the rubbish out of your system." So, bear with me while I sort out which goes where.

This story is inspired by a dream my lecturer had. No direct references cause that would be a little too erm. plagiarizing. Never mind if the facts are wrong.

*

There was once a dolphin birthed out in the Pacific Ocean. It had a very slick shade of oceanic blue along its body and the mother was very excited for her firstborn. Oh, but what a letdown when the parents saw the newborn. They swam around, trying to look for clues or even a hint of what is happening or what is hidden. The calf has no fin. Or rather, its dorsal fin was so underdeveloped it just looked like a small road bump on top of its body.

It was like ugly ducking all over again. The calf wobbled, trying to look for its balance, and surprisingly, it did find its balance and was soon swimming, gliding through the currents and quite enjoying itself.

The parents were devastated. What do they tell their friends and families about this? Isolation, was the only solution. Though dolphins in nature are social creatures, this particular family had to hide their shame and consternation by isolating themselves.

Friends and families of the same school started to wonder to themselves where have the family gone to? It was as if they mysteriously disappear. An uneasiness struck among them. Have they been caught by those two-legged creatures who wears funny?

However, it was soon forgotten, though some elder ones continued to talk about it and mothers used the missing family as a warning to delinquent calves.

Years went by, the dolphin without a fin grew up to be an adult. From young, he has been taught by his parents that he was not a dolphin, but a whale. He was not stupid, but he was greatly amused to see how his parents struggled to explain to him the presence of fins on their bodies but not his. But all the education had somewhat convinced him that he was a whale. Maybe he was adopted, he thinks. Yes, the parents lied. They had found him near a dead whale, newborn and hungry.

He still retained that beautiful blue on his body and still swam beautifully. It was through these two traits that gave him some pride to boast about to the fishes around him. "Look at my body. Isn't it a fantastic shade? All whales have this color and I am glad I am one of them." Though he meant well, the fishes find him strange and laugh him off.

It was not until one day that he would find his whole life was a lie. Well, maybe except for the beautiful color and graceful swimming.

Fearing for their son's predicament for ridicule, the parents have guarded him carefully. Only allowing 100 feet from their shelter. The father or mother will always keep an eye on him, making sure their son was always in sight. If he went over that 100 feet point, one of them will quickly chase after him, chastise him and bring him back. The dolphin could not understand why his parents were so obsess with him not crossing the invisible border. And like all good children, he never ask. They would lie again.

It was however, so ever tempting to be rebellious and try to see what the consequences of crossing the border was. It seemed mysterious and packed with possible adventures, and the prospect was very exciting. The dolphin looked out into the darkness of the sea and felt like he could see sparkles and blinking shoals of tasty fishes just waiting for him, like how water would look like in a distance when you are stuck in the desert.

He, like all teenagers, felt the ridiculousness of his parents, adopted or not, and was so determined to get away. His parents sensed this, and discuss it among themselves when their son was not hearing. The mother was very worried, the father was far less agitated. He once blamed his wife for bearing an 'abnormal' son during an outburst of anger, but of course, he had apologized for his berating towards her since then. It was partly his fault, maybe it was his genetic contribution instead. But the father believes his son thoroughly believes itself as a whale instead of a dolphin, never mind the size. Whales may just treat him like a newborn. And so that was how he assured her. They have done the correct education. Besides, he is young and restless, and he will not stay interested in something for long. He will grow tired of the changing climate of the seas, grow fearful of the two-legged creatures hovering above, and most of all, grow homesick.

He will come back, says the father.

*

cliched nonsense. next chapter.

Writer's Block

I hate it the most when I can't think of a plot progression.

It irritates me to the max but I can't do anything about it.

Or can I?




I lack creativity and my time is running short.

Summer Rain

Summer is a hot season.

But sometimes it will also rain.

I wish for this girl to play the lead role...

Ariel Lin Yi Chen

I think she can pull it off perfectly, the way she devote herself to her roles is seriously worth applauding. And it's something new...I hope.

La la la...I've got my heads in the clouds.

And I got an idea of the guys I want for the band...

David Chen
Sings. That's all that's important. Though I think he looks a bit old. Maybe he can become the doctor.


Nicky Lee
Big-sized. Can sing. Haven't seen him acting. Love his singing.


JJ Lin
Can write songs. Play drums as well as piano and guitar. But he might be too big after taking a lead role. Aiks.

Now I need to look for a drummer drummer who's not as big as JJ but still can act. Aiks. Maybe just throw in some good looking young boy. HAHA. He can learn drums on his way.


La la la...I'm crapping nonsense.

400

Will be having exams next week. Then it's off for two weeks. And then a whole new semester starts again. Can't wait for that 4 months break to do something else other than study.

Wait. I am still studying then...Mandarin!

I hope to finish my script by end of this year. Yes, and then I will officially redraft it and then we'll see whether it will be accepted by producers...if it does, then I am free!

Eh..hem.

I mean, I will be quite elated. But of course that is just a figment of my dreamy imagination. But let's just cross our fingers and hope now, shall we not?

I already have a story idea. Vague still, but I shall attempt to write melodramas without it becoming too soap-opera-ish. The genres are: melodrama, family and romance.

Ooh, very melo indeed.

Haha, who am I kidding? I am already racking my brains out to think of comedic lines...

Such are the dilemmas of scriptwriters...


...but I love it!


And thus end the 400th post. Before that...

Just to share with you all the nice sunset I took the other day from my house balcony...see, I get to see sunsets almost everyday. Hehe...

And this is where I get my inspiration for my new story...yup, just by these posters.

from Sad Story (2005)


from Sad Story (2005)


from Last Present (2007)


from Humming (2007)

from A Moment To Remember (2004)


from Love Me Not (2006)

Why Korean movies? They have the best melodramas. Especially Sad Story's poster have the most impact...because though they are crying, at the same time, they are also smiling. Call it bittersweet. I took Humming because at first I thought Han Ji-Hye was also crying and smiling at the same time...but it was a mistake...don't know why I thought she had teary eyes...

But of course I have to study first and then finish my first story lerrr....

Really end.

Write Me More

Let you in a not-so-secret secret...

I want to write.


I want to write scripts.
I want to write songs.



Sshhhh! People will hear you!

It's been a dream, still is.

And I sometimes I wish I can sing like J.

고맙다고. (thank you)


我曾經愛過一個人,愛到自己發現自己已經不認識自己了...因為愛得太深,傷就更痛.

請你幫我,幫我找回自己,好嗎?

你說過愛是永不止息.即使我得到全世界,沒了愛,沒了你,生命只是個空殼子.

回來吧.

I fell in love once, till I couldn't recognize myself...Because I loved too much, I hurt even more.

Please help me, help me to recover myself, please?

You said before that love never fails. Even if I gain the whole world, but have no love, no you, life is just an empty shell.

Please come back.

I'm Not A Superwoman

I think I shall name my next story this.

For now, I am so going to get my own ... really fired.

Fired by me, myself and I.



Well, sorry for the longtime no updates kinda stuff. Have been really busy lately.

If I am a casting director for my story, this people might make the list.


Wallace Huo


Amanda Zhou 周晓涵


Alyssa Chia 贾静雯


Esther Liu 刘品言


Evonne Hsu 许慧欣


7F's Xiao Jie 小洁


Remus Kam


Tony Yang


Cai Han Cen 蔡函岑

Etc etc.

I actually would like to see Xiao Jie take a stronger role. She's cute and bubbly...her acting scenes were too short for me to see whether she can really act.

The guys are what I want. Cool. Cool. Conflicted looking. Cool. Especially Tony Yang. Haha.

Of course I'm just being bias to all those actor and actresses that "seemed" to have lesser roles than people like Ming Dao, Joe Chen, Sam Wang, Wu Zun, Jiro...etc.

But I still have yet to see all of them act in modern settings and all that.

Haha...I'm dreaming big dreams!



Now, which of them will be the police detective....

Heartfelt

Been thinking of fantastic ideas lately. My lecturer had told us to expand our minds to the farthest limit.

After reading a screenwriting textbook by Ray Frensham, I am inspired to restart my writer's journey.

Some of you might say I don't write well. For those who has complimented about my songwriting skills, thanks! Don't get that everyday.

Anywayz. Of course ideas can just be an idea without "legs". Therefore, sometimes I am in all earnest to write a story, but then the story stuck and stales. It is quite hard to deal with all these. No?

I find solace in writing songs, I find better talent in writing them. Maybe because I am fond of writing poetry. With my Mandarin below average, I am flipping through dictionaries to find out which word fits best. :)

Whatever it is, everything written should come with research. Without research, ideas are very hard to grow its "legs".

Of course I don't say my writing skills are great. In fact, I believe in this post you can already find grammatical errors. But can I say, "Heck, this is an unprofessional blog. It'd be worse in Mandarin."?

I try my best. Though with time constraints now with the study load getting heavier (yeah, I get to watch the telly for homework and watch movies for assignments. No kidding.) and the piling up of my tutorials that never seemed to end...with an impending Final Year Project that apparently is going to start in my Level 2 Semester 3...I hope I don't stop writing, but I definitely will be writing less personal interest and more academical requirements.

Oh well. What's a student to do? So be thankful for the holidays you can get, you primary and secondary schoolers!

Hahaha.I sounded as if I am already working.

So what shall I do when I grow up???

This song was written during my holidays. It's one of my earlier songs and one of my proudest achievements cause I could have the tune to it...well, almost. It's not a love song. It still requires some editing from time to time, but it's a song inspired by the world.

活在這個世界上
翻開每天的報紙
都可以讀到氣餒
人的哀戚與恩怨

代代傳下來的仇
我們該何時擁有
彩麗平安的世界
愛已經不是重點

有寬恕嗎?
有博愛嗎?
有希望嗎?

我們緊緊地把我們雙手一起變拳頭
心里硬著不接受彼此的見解與差別
錯過的人應該要恨恨地以牙還牙
仁慈憐憫只是當作笑話

我們的拳頭根本不能容納任何甚麼
憤怒仇恨只能會把我們慢慢地銷毀
只能張開我們的雙掌我們才能找回
曾失過的自由曾失過的美

我們的拳頭根本不能容納任何甚麼
憤怒仇恨只能會把我們慢慢地銷毀
只能張開我們的雙掌我們才能體會
仁愛仁慈憐憫才是最完美

空著手你我才能感覺到
真愛的自由的美

Rough translation:
Living in this world
Flipping through the papers
We can read about disheartened hearts
People's sorrow and hate

The hate that passed down from generation to generation
When are we going to have
A beautiful peaceful world
Love seems to lost its significance

Is there forgiveness?
Is there love (agape)?
Is there hope?

We turned our palms into tightened fists
We harden our hearts, unable to accept each other's differences and opinions
The wrong person should be given tooth for tooth
Grace and mercy seemed more like a joke

Our fists cannot contain anything
Bitterness and hate will only destroy (burn) us from within
It's only by opening our hands that we can find
The freedom and love once lost

Our fists cannot contain anything
Bitterness and hate will only destroy us from within
It's only by opening our hands that we can understand
Love, grace and mercy is the most beautiful

Only by opening our hands you and I can feel
True love's beautiful release


Yeah, there's glitches in grammar. Oh well.

Mystery

As I was bored out of my head because there was absolutely nothing to do in the library. There were no books. The book that I need to read is already borrowed and sitting at home. I already took my nap and couldn't take any more because there were just too many noises. A whole herd of buffaloes new students trampled into the best-place-to-sleep and the guides were telling them, "So, here are the books...you can borrow this..." How to sleep?

So I went touring in the library. Not with the newbies of course. Why should I do that? Then my eyes reverted to one small section. I didn't notice it at first. But something familiar made me looked twice...and guess what?

My uni library has a section for fiction! Roald Dahl, CSI...even Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys and ENID BLYTON! Can you ever believe that uni library has these fiction. But it really made my day. REALLY. I was happily reading Blyton's the Mystery Series which was a childhood favorite. Mind you, I had read the BM version of the mystery series where Fatty in the original is literally translated as Gemuk in Malay. But I was glad for the English. To read how Fatty is being called Sherlock Holmes, how he disguises himself so well, how Buster will always bark and pounce on Mr. Goon's leg...how Mr. Goon will shout "Gah!" which places itself very well in my vocabulary. I know it's all childish...I mean, "Enid Blyton? That's for kids!" but I like it very much. It brings so many happy memories when Blyton and Nancy Drew in their respective BM version started my liking for mystery and crime fiction.

So at least, now I have some thing to occupy my three hours break between classes. Other than sleep. Sleep of course is always very important. To others, it may be secondary. But to me, it's primary. I can live without sleep for one day, but I must compensate. So sleep is important.

After reading Enid Blyton, I have gotten the inspiration to write mystery again. Not that I have the flair of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle or the plots of Agatha Christie. I'm not like Mary Higgins Clark who ace in crime suspense or the ghost writers of Carolyn Keene who glorifies the never-aging super girl detective. I'm not even close to Enid Blyton's humor and heroic children.

Yes, I admit I can be quite boring when it comes to mystery writing because I cannot write suspense. But I'm trying, giving my shot in writing again after so long. Seriously, I have not been writing stories for almost 3 years! I wrote a few in 2004 as those who had faithfully read since 2004 will know but those are short stories. Short love stories which Sherry labels as cliche and she is a tough critic, aren't you Sherry Wong Tortoise? :)

I haven't attempt at novel writing for a long time. I always stopped at Chapter 1 because it's just the gnawing of writer's block. Enid Blyton does open the mind. Ooh, I have already finished Chapter 3 and it is a slow plot, I'll admit. It won't be much interesting to be published as a book. But hey, give chance lah. Right?

I will be posting up the chapters one by one week by week in my stories blog and hopefully we'll finish it eh?

Yes, you must be asking, "Is this girl insane or what? Who in the world has time to write?" Truth is, I don't have much time. But one chapter per week I can still handle. Cause then again, you all might not like my bland story. And you might just give up reading after the first chapter even! Haha. But I'll try to make it interesting. After all, I twisted my Form 6 play and shocked the judges, didn't I? :) Self-praise. Gah!

Love Beautifully

The last episode of My Beloved is crappy. I didn't watch the drama but I did watch the last episode. Oei. Die again.

******

"Do take care when you're there."
"You too. Must keep in touch yeah? By hook or by crook, you better come online."
"Everyday? Crazy meh...I got assignments and other stuff to do. Got test coming somemore."
"Well...those are important...but still..must keep in touch right?"
"Send email lah."
"Aiyah...email so...lettery. Cannot get reply asap."
"You have to study also right. What."
"Yeah, but I can stay up a bit merr...besides, I can multi-task."
"Oh yeah. right."
"Remember our song?"
"Yup."
"We should change song. It's getting a bit bland."
"You think what? Maggi mee flavor ah? It's a special song for both of us."
"Kidding only ler."
"So you."
"Well, that proves that you will miss me so much right."
"Haha...yeah. I might."
"You MIGHT? I bet you will."
"See how ler."
"Oh I know that phrase."
"What?"
"Nothing."

*

"Hey"
"Lo."
"How's things with you?"
"It's okay. Times are abit hard sometimes."
"Studies? God? Parents? Boys?"
"Yeah, totally boys."
"No, seriously. Are you okay?"
"Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. Consider it pure joy when face trials, eh?"
"Haha...yup."
"How bout you? Adjusting?"
"Yeah, just starting to be a bit homesick."
"Aww. You'll be fine. Jia you!"

*

"Hello?"
"Hi."
"Where are you?"
"Outside your house."
"What? Wei, expensive leh phone bill."
"Haha...really. Don't believe, check lah."

*

"I'm thinking if we can take some time off."
"Please don't. Don't say that."
"I don't know if I made the right decision. Please, let me go first."
"Please tell me that it's just a phase."
"It's not. I'm sorry."

*

"Eh, this is our song."
"They still play on radio meh?"
"Yeah, the 21st Century Channel."
"What? Got such thing meh?"
"Yeah. I created it one lah. Remember when iPods are the in-things?"
"Yeah, we were quite young then."
"We played this song during our engagement. Then you broke it off."
"It was a good decision."
"Good? No. I was like a lost man for a while. You know how hard is it to let you go?"
"But we learn to appreciate each other more, don't we?"
"Yeah, I was afraid that it will never come to that at all."
"Well, don't need to worry anymore right?"
"Haha...you are right about that. Care for a dance?"
"It's going to end lah the song."
"It's on repeat."

****

I cannot relate my own story. (gasp!) Yeah, I'm a sad deprived hopeless romantic.

Time to sing to the tune of break-up songs.

No no, I'm not depressed. Just want to celebrate love.

但愿人长久。

If You Wake Up.

She can hear her heart pumping, the blood running through her veins. Her legs are pumping hard, every muscle straining. "I must go on..." She thought to herself.

*

She looked down at her feet. Those toenails which she has painstakingly painted the night before shinned in the shadow of the streetlight above. In front, the rain drizzled ever so. She sighed softly. How long does she have to wait?

**

Her eyes closed and opened again. Just in front of her, she saw a spectacular sight which prompt her heart to beat faster. It was such a beautiful sight that her nose turned red and she was so close to crying. Instead, she shook her head and grinned. She could only laugh to herself.

***

The rain drizzled on. She braced herself and smiled grimly. "I'll go back and remove the polish." She thought to herself. Meanwhile, she could still wait a little longer for the rain to stop.

************************

This could only depict my innermost feeling which only a few can understand, and lesser can truly discern what is being said.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up, and the sun doesn't shine, I guess...I will be there....









...with a torchlight.