I'm quite surprised BLogSpot doesn't have a font colour palette. If not, I will be changing colours like all the time. Oh well, can't ask for everything right?
Finally understanding the complex numbers...I mean not that I don't understand them..it's just some maths questions that boggled me down. Internet is so helpful.
I know, I'm not suppose to be online tonight but I have finished studying Chemistry and that's the only subject I am suppose to study today and I finished it. Well, when you just start school term...sometimes there are not many things to study...I don't mind reading them again and again...but...
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
Thursday
Thinking About...
Drip. Drop. Hua La La...its raining now.
There has been this haze around for like a few days liao...kinda really stinks.
Today's the last day...those NS shirkers are gonna get their payback time. Hope none of the people I know kena.
Tomorrow is Sport's Day. I just found out that I'm in blue house again...not that I hate blue...but...aiyah...its only for 1 and 1/2 years.
I should be like Liza a bit...
Erm, guys and gals. I know that some of you are lazy to read long stories...but ya know, I like it when people give comments of what they think. Its healthy to share ideas you KNOW.
Okay, done.
My loyal nephew still haven't done the assignment I gave him. Sigh...I am sure a number of Tom,Dick and Harry in my church are already waiting for me to spill the milk on NS. But they can have some taste of the water first in the upcoming Floodgates. (DUMC bi-monthly magazine) Oh well, but that's only the surface of the water.
Oh, it stopped raining now.
Today, Jonathan helped me with my Chemistry assignment. Thank God for people like him and Brian. Couldn't find Brian most of the time, maybe because Brian waits at the back gate of school. Hmm...kinda slightly far apart from Liz n Brian when school starts and I'm getting really involved in the youth ministry again. And I'm getting closer to Carissa...maybe we couldn't really blend in with the CYZ...or maybe its just my thinking. But its not easy to balance the both of them. One in XYZ the other in CYZ. Hmm...I just hope we don't drift apart. That will be very bad.
A bit humiliated of myself because kena scolding from my Chem teacher, though I felt I could really fight back. But sigh, don't care lah. Just let her lecture lah. Not gonna talk bad about her online. Its just that humiliated because I just screw up my testimony as a Christian. Argh...really, the things that I want to do, I don't do it. The things I don't want to do, I do it a lot. That's the irritating part. Today during church morning prayer, Pr. Daniel spoke about holiness. I still got a long way to go...
Drove to church the 2nd time today..it was better than yesterday, though my dad said that I shouldn't start going fast since I don't really know how to control. This is another fault of mine. Sometimes, I'm over confident. That's the bad part...I wasn't that slow either...just like bout 40-70 km/hr. Maybe to some, that's real slow, but hey, I'm still learning! actually 70 also quite fast liao...Fed roads can only reach 90 and normal roads can only reach 60...oops. Exceeded limit...but I wasn't looking at the metre anyway. I know I was somewhere between there lah...
Really tired now...all the lunch...zzzz...
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
There has been this haze around for like a few days liao...kinda really stinks.
Today's the last day...those NS shirkers are gonna get their payback time. Hope none of the people I know kena.
Tomorrow is Sport's Day. I just found out that I'm in blue house again...not that I hate blue...but...aiyah...its only for 1 and 1/2 years.
I should be like Liza a bit...
Erm, guys and gals. I know that some of you are lazy to read long stories...but ya know, I like it when people give comments of what they think. Its healthy to share ideas you KNOW.
Okay, done.
My loyal nephew still haven't done the assignment I gave him. Sigh...I am sure a number of Tom,Dick and Harry in my church are already waiting for me to spill the milk on NS. But they can have some taste of the water first in the upcoming Floodgates. (DUMC bi-monthly magazine) Oh well, but that's only the surface of the water.
Oh, it stopped raining now.
Today, Jonathan helped me with my Chemistry assignment. Thank God for people like him and Brian. Couldn't find Brian most of the time, maybe because Brian waits at the back gate of school. Hmm...kinda slightly far apart from Liz n Brian when school starts and I'm getting really involved in the youth ministry again. And I'm getting closer to Carissa...maybe we couldn't really blend in with the CYZ...or maybe its just my thinking. But its not easy to balance the both of them. One in XYZ the other in CYZ. Hmm...I just hope we don't drift apart. That will be very bad.
A bit humiliated of myself because kena scolding from my Chem teacher, though I felt I could really fight back. But sigh, don't care lah. Just let her lecture lah. Not gonna talk bad about her online. Its just that humiliated because I just screw up my testimony as a Christian. Argh...really, the things that I want to do, I don't do it. The things I don't want to do, I do it a lot. That's the irritating part. Today during church morning prayer, Pr. Daniel spoke about holiness. I still got a long way to go...
Drove to church the 2nd time today..it was better than yesterday, though my dad said that I shouldn't start going fast since I don't really know how to control. This is another fault of mine. Sometimes, I'm over confident. That's the bad part...I wasn't that slow either...just like bout 40-70 km/hr. Maybe to some, that's real slow, but hey, I'm still learning! actually 70 also quite fast liao...Fed roads can only reach 90 and normal roads can only reach 60...oops. Exceeded limit...but I wasn't looking at the metre anyway. I know I was somewhere between there lah...
Really tired now...all the lunch...zzzz...
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
Sunday
Oh God...I Want To Be With You
Ever I will seek You...
Yesterday, I went to a school named Wesley Methodist Private School, though I am quite surprised it isn't next to Wesley Methodist church. Hmm...but that school isn't like any other private schools. This is older. Much older...
Anyway, I was there to serve in the cf camp there. As a leader in XYZ, I was in the worship team also lah...its kinda a long story why we ended up in a private school...but it was a XYZ event, a CES (community excel service) thing also lah...so if you are good in puzzles, maybe you can piece this up yourself...
Anyway, though I got slightly discouraged and everyone was tired because it was a full day thing. Especially those who come from DUMC (we were having a church morning prayer at 5:30-7:00 am) The night rally was really great though I got slightly discouraged because many went back after the workshops before the night rally...but God reminded me that He works in the most unexpected ways. Just trust in Him. Okay, so I kept praying in faith. And expect the worst. God can work surprises when you are expecting the worst. I thought my fears were confirmed, but I was very wrong. God proved me so wrong that I smiled at all His faithfulness...many came out for prayer and there were a number of tearful ones. Praise God they were willing to come back to God and surrender all to Him. One girl that I prayed for really touched my heart. She spoke to me about her family and after that, she started to cry. I felt like crying with her too. The other girl that touched my heart was a girl name Tiffany. She was one marvellous girl! Eventually, she was down (slained for those having deeper knowledge of charismaticsm of Christianity) and we had to carry her to the other room and continue praying for her since praise was starting again. Could sense that she is going to be greatly used by God! Hallelujah! Long time haven't been to a camp, and this is really a refresher.
Gotta do my homework and catch up with some stuff. I was right. Busy busy...For those who are still waiting for the NS blog. Be patient! Practice patience because it is a virtue! Hahahaha...it will be out very very soon.
Coz all You are is all I want always
Draw me close in Your arms Oh God
I want to be with You
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
Yesterday, I went to a school named Wesley Methodist Private School, though I am quite surprised it isn't next to Wesley Methodist church. Hmm...but that school isn't like any other private schools. This is older. Much older...
Anyway, I was there to serve in the cf camp there. As a leader in XYZ, I was in the worship team also lah...its kinda a long story why we ended up in a private school...but it was a XYZ event, a CES (community excel service) thing also lah...so if you are good in puzzles, maybe you can piece this up yourself...
Anyway, though I got slightly discouraged and everyone was tired because it was a full day thing. Especially those who come from DUMC (we were having a church morning prayer at 5:30-7:00 am) The night rally was really great though I got slightly discouraged because many went back after the workshops before the night rally...but God reminded me that He works in the most unexpected ways. Just trust in Him. Okay, so I kept praying in faith. And expect the worst. God can work surprises when you are expecting the worst. I thought my fears were confirmed, but I was very wrong. God proved me so wrong that I smiled at all His faithfulness...many came out for prayer and there were a number of tearful ones. Praise God they were willing to come back to God and surrender all to Him. One girl that I prayed for really touched my heart. She spoke to me about her family and after that, she started to cry. I felt like crying with her too. The other girl that touched my heart was a girl name Tiffany. She was one marvellous girl! Eventually, she was down (slained for those having deeper knowledge of charismaticsm of Christianity) and we had to carry her to the other room and continue praying for her since praise was starting again. Could sense that she is going to be greatly used by God! Hallelujah! Long time haven't been to a camp, and this is really a refresher.
Gotta do my homework and catch up with some stuff. I was right. Busy busy...For those who are still waiting for the NS blog. Be patient! Practice patience because it is a virtue! Hahahaha...it will be out very very soon.
Coz all You are is all I want always
Draw me close in Your arms Oh God
I want to be with You
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
Adaptingly Weird...Weirdly Adapting
Went to XYZ yesterday...Saturday nite celeb too. I felt weird from the start of Leaders' Meeting till sun down. Maybe I haven't adapt to the PJ lifestyle yet..or the DUMC lifestyle yet. Maybe its just me.
I felt weird the whole day. Apart from seeing my dearest bro and other friends that I haven't met for quite some while. Suddenly felt like an alien. Totally. People are too "nice" here. Or is just that I couldn't help feeling culturally shock. I felt weird sitting among the leaders when I have absolutely no idea what was going on. I felt weird sitting among my CG members when I am as lost as some alien from outer space. I felt weird during sermon. I thought I was going to have a stroke. Right brain pain and then left side felt uncomfortable. Christine prayed, and I don't feel any better. My heart rate was 100 per minute (yes I counted). The only time when I didn't felt weird was speaking Cantonese to Nickson and Freddie. That was it. Even then I felt somehow not at ease for a while. The rest was WEIRD...maybe I should go somewhere else far far away...the change was erm...welcoming but weird. Met Irene and her friend Kel...when everyone was talking about a certain topic, the only topic I could speak about was NS...as if I was born during NS. Church somehow seemed...distant. I don't feel any kind of familarity at all. I just feel strange. Maybe I haven't adapted. I went for church camp, met the people, so I should be ready to meet something familiar..or what was familiar...Even talking to Jared Ang also feels weird. Maybe its the lame jokes that doesn't exist in the contacts of NS. Seriously, everyone else could adapt back into church life, I just can't. At least not yet.
Standing alone
With people around
The silence that fills
The noise that surrounds
Where am I?
Who am I?
How did I end up here?
How could I not adapt?
This is my life
This is my place
This is my club
My importance in life
Yet I couldn't receive
Nor could I hear
Was I too sensitive?
Or too hard-hearted?
People are too nice
I don't see it anymore
Am I blind?
Or did I saw?
Who am I now?
How can I come back?
I am no longer myself
Or so I think about
Questions questions fill my mind
Answers that did not came
Weird was the only thing I could say
And today it is still the same.
Yeah, maybe I didn't adapt back to church life yet...or maybe it is just me.
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
I felt weird the whole day. Apart from seeing my dearest bro and other friends that I haven't met for quite some while. Suddenly felt like an alien. Totally. People are too "nice" here. Or is just that I couldn't help feeling culturally shock. I felt weird sitting among the leaders when I have absolutely no idea what was going on. I felt weird sitting among my CG members when I am as lost as some alien from outer space. I felt weird during sermon. I thought I was going to have a stroke. Right brain pain and then left side felt uncomfortable. Christine prayed, and I don't feel any better. My heart rate was 100 per minute (yes I counted). The only time when I didn't felt weird was speaking Cantonese to Nickson and Freddie. That was it. Even then I felt somehow not at ease for a while. The rest was WEIRD...maybe I should go somewhere else far far away...the change was erm...welcoming but weird. Met Irene and her friend Kel...when everyone was talking about a certain topic, the only topic I could speak about was NS...as if I was born during NS. Church somehow seemed...distant. I don't feel any kind of familarity at all. I just feel strange. Maybe I haven't adapted. I went for church camp, met the people, so I should be ready to meet something familiar..or what was familiar...Even talking to Jared Ang also feels weird. Maybe its the lame jokes that doesn't exist in the contacts of NS. Seriously, everyone else could adapt back into church life, I just can't. At least not yet.
Standing alone
With people around
The silence that fills
The noise that surrounds
Where am I?
Who am I?
How did I end up here?
How could I not adapt?
This is my life
This is my place
This is my club
My importance in life
Yet I couldn't receive
Nor could I hear
Was I too sensitive?
Or too hard-hearted?
People are too nice
I don't see it anymore
Am I blind?
Or did I saw?
Who am I now?
How can I come back?
I am no longer myself
Or so I think about
Questions questions fill my mind
Answers that did not came
Weird was the only thing I could say
And today it is still the same.
Yeah, maybe I didn't adapt back to church life yet...or maybe it is just me.
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
Friday
Losing Voice...Picture Perfect...
Today, couldn't wake up early. Thank God my dad came to wake me up. Hahaha...rush off to DTM for worship practice. Got to meet people I have not seen for a looong time: David, Daniel, Gilbert, Wai Wai and Gerald...hehehe...David has this list of songs which require so many harmonisation...felt like scolding him but I don't mind it lorr...actually. Haha...today's practice was havoc but fun. I haven't been in a worship practice for a looong time. Whew, but the consequence was...I lost my voice. So I really got a garau voice now...but I got to learn 2 new songs from Hillsong United: More Than Life...One Way and Always. I really like Always! The intro rocks and the whole lyrics are poetic! Hard to find poetic songs nowadays...though everything rhymes...the other one I like was Magnificent...cool lyrics too...
Did You rise the sun for me
Or paint a million stars that I might know Your majesty
Is Your voice upon the wind
Is everything I've known marked in my maker's fingerprints?
Breathe on me let me see Your face
Ever I will seek You
Cause all You are is all I want always
Draw me close in Your arms oh God
I want to be with You
Can I feel You in the rain
Abandon all I am to have You capture me again
Let the earth resound with praise
Can You hear as all creation lives to glorify one Name?
The lyrics rocks right? Really could feel the ambience of it. Hahaha...but we are worshipping God through that song, not worship the song!
I went over to Liza's place today. (Yes, I drove there!) And then spent some quality time with her. Brian was downstairs playing the keys. Not keys as in house keys...instrument. Anyway, was sharing with her about NS and stuff like that...well, those things I will write there all on an upcoming blog all about NS, the good and the bad, the spiritual and the practical...
Can't wait till school starts, I mean...I can't wait till next Saturday cause get to go to CF Camp! Hahaha...Wesley Methodist CF Camp...gonna be one whole day there...wow. Never thought I will be THAT busy. Hehehe...I don't mind. The busier I am, the more organised I'll be.
Brian have help me to design my room. I really love him for it. He did everything very simple...didn't change much of what I originally plan...:) So now I can finally do something with my feature wall...maybe I'll just leave it red and no spots of white...that I can do it at the other feature wall...I'm gonna have 2 feature walls! Hahaha...okay, some of you have no idea what I'm speaking.
I love photography. I have always loved photography. That's why I would love to take a diploma for it. But the Degree comes first for me. I like to take candid pics but also natural poses. You know those National Geographic pictures. Picture perfect. But my main attractions will be people. I always love to see the faces of people and see what do they feel inside...but still...all need Jesus. Whether they know it or not. From NS, I could see the world is searching for the truth. We as Christians...we gotta reach out. Okay, NS stuff...another place.
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
Did You rise the sun for me
Or paint a million stars that I might know Your majesty
Is Your voice upon the wind
Is everything I've known marked in my maker's fingerprints?
Breathe on me let me see Your face
Ever I will seek You
Cause all You are is all I want always
Draw me close in Your arms oh God
I want to be with You
Can I feel You in the rain
Abandon all I am to have You capture me again
Let the earth resound with praise
Can You hear as all creation lives to glorify one Name?
The lyrics rocks right? Really could feel the ambience of it. Hahaha...but we are worshipping God through that song, not worship the song!
I went over to Liza's place today. (Yes, I drove there!) And then spent some quality time with her. Brian was downstairs playing the keys. Not keys as in house keys...instrument. Anyway, was sharing with her about NS and stuff like that...well, those things I will write there all on an upcoming blog all about NS, the good and the bad, the spiritual and the practical...
Can't wait till school starts, I mean...I can't wait till next Saturday cause get to go to CF Camp! Hahaha...Wesley Methodist CF Camp...gonna be one whole day there...wow. Never thought I will be THAT busy. Hehehe...I don't mind. The busier I am, the more organised I'll be.
Brian have help me to design my room. I really love him for it. He did everything very simple...didn't change much of what I originally plan...:) So now I can finally do something with my feature wall...maybe I'll just leave it red and no spots of white...that I can do it at the other feature wall...I'm gonna have 2 feature walls! Hahaha...okay, some of you have no idea what I'm speaking.
I love photography. I have always loved photography. That's why I would love to take a diploma for it. But the Degree comes first for me. I like to take candid pics but also natural poses. You know those National Geographic pictures. Picture perfect. But my main attractions will be people. I always love to see the faces of people and see what do they feel inside...but still...all need Jesus. Whether they know it or not. From NS, I could see the world is searching for the truth. We as Christians...we gotta reach out. Okay, NS stuff...another place.
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
Thursday
Don't Tell Me...Leavers and Oldies...
You know, Avril Lavigne has this song entitled "Don't Tell Me". I kinda like the lyrics of the song. Quite cool to tell a guy to back off. Hehehe...but the song is really garbled up...especially nearing the chorus...my sister couldn't get what was she singing.
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say...
If we twist the lyrics a bit, can make it into a song that says to the media who pressurizes us teens (not really in Msia yet, but its getting stronger) to having erm...so called safe sex. I read through Dannah Gresh's "And The Bride Wore White: Seven Ways to Sexual Purity" and wow. She's real. Hahaha...before that I also read No Apologies. All this I read in NS...seems like NS gives more time to read books than back here...hmm...
Anyway, I was talking to Jehanne just now. She reminded me about what I spoke to Hai Sheng the other day...cause so many people in church are leaving for overseas and some have left. (Chia Wen just left. I really miss her. Saw those 80++ pictures she sent...felt like crying instead of smiling. I miss everyone who left...I don't miss me when I left for NS...hmm...I just miss everyone else...aw.)Others, yet to leave. He laughed at it and then said something like this: "Someday, it will be you too." I laughed at it myself. Well, life is really unpredictable. God can just place us anywhere at anytime. Is it really a way of life? Do people have to leave for overseas to study? Of course, not all. I don't plan to...for now. God knows what course I'll end up taking after my Form 6.
Talking about Form 6...I went to buy my shoes, socks and books today. Do the syllabus looks tough! By God's grace, I can manage. I hope. I told my sister that I felt really old because now I'm in Form 6. Imagine that! 18 years old. I still remember the dream I had when I was only 5! (Yeah, it's something bout my uncle bringing in durians. I had no idea why I had that dream. But it was my first technicolour dream.) Then, she said, "Wait till you come to uni." I said to her, "I'll feel much older." No, I don't mean old as in having a tongkat to walk...but old as in growing up. Of course, I want to be a teenager always (note: teenager, not kid) but sometimes, I want to grow up and be an adult to help teenagers...those are really big dreams...hahaha...but I still feel old. And I'm going to school wearing school uniform. Feels so weird. I hope the uni I go to next time doesn't require us to wear uniforms. One thing is ... don't we ever outgrow 'em? Cause it should be time...or maybe not.
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say...
If we twist the lyrics a bit, can make it into a song that says to the media who pressurizes us teens (not really in Msia yet, but its getting stronger) to having erm...so called safe sex. I read through Dannah Gresh's "And The Bride Wore White: Seven Ways to Sexual Purity" and wow. She's real. Hahaha...before that I also read No Apologies. All this I read in NS...seems like NS gives more time to read books than back here...hmm...
Anyway, I was talking to Jehanne just now. She reminded me about what I spoke to Hai Sheng the other day...cause so many people in church are leaving for overseas and some have left. (Chia Wen just left. I really miss her. Saw those 80++ pictures she sent...felt like crying instead of smiling. I miss everyone who left...I don't miss me when I left for NS...hmm...I just miss everyone else...aw.)Others, yet to leave. He laughed at it and then said something like this: "Someday, it will be you too." I laughed at it myself. Well, life is really unpredictable. God can just place us anywhere at anytime. Is it really a way of life? Do people have to leave for overseas to study? Of course, not all. I don't plan to...for now. God knows what course I'll end up taking after my Form 6.
Talking about Form 6...I went to buy my shoes, socks and books today. Do the syllabus looks tough! By God's grace, I can manage. I hope. I told my sister that I felt really old because now I'm in Form 6. Imagine that! 18 years old. I still remember the dream I had when I was only 5! (Yeah, it's something bout my uncle bringing in durians. I had no idea why I had that dream. But it was my first technicolour dream.) Then, she said, "Wait till you come to uni." I said to her, "I'll feel much older." No, I don't mean old as in having a tongkat to walk...but old as in growing up. Of course, I want to be a teenager always (note: teenager, not kid) but sometimes, I want to grow up and be an adult to help teenagers...those are really big dreams...hahaha...but I still feel old. And I'm going to school wearing school uniform. Feels so weird. I hope the uni I go to next time doesn't require us to wear uniforms. One thing is ... don't we ever outgrow 'em? Cause it should be time...or maybe not.
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
HTMLs and Templates
After not being very successful in making things work...feel fruz with all these html stuff. Yet, I gotta learn it. Sigh...now I feel like changing the template again...but such hard work...sigh...did I said that I wanted a comments link? Yes, I believe I did.
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
Wednesday
Monsters Inc.
Yesterday night was really a tough time for me. I knew the tendency for me when I come back from NS is to slip back to my old self…Its not even one week and I've already backslided a little. I guess God knows that He's not gonna waste what He has already done, so that night, just a little conviction from my dad's word, He opened my eyes to see the my spiritual condition.
As I was crying away, unable to forgive myself, I wrote my journal with hate for myself. Jesus was just gently telling me that I should forgive myself. If not, He can't forgive me. I asked Him, "Why are You wasting Your time on me? Do I even deserve Your love? Why are You so gracious and loving? If I am You, I would punish me already. Why?" Those questions I asked, I had the answer. God's Word was the answer and I've read it.
His Word came assuring, "You know the answers yourself. You know that I love you that's why I created you. I know that My efforts on you are not wasted." Then this verse was able to reassure me, "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."
I have sinned. I have fallen short. I have tripped and fell on the rubbery track. Instead of rising up and brushing off the dust, I have sat down there and cried over a small abrasion. Did I not see the loving Saviour of mine coming with bandages and helping me up?
Because of Jesus, I could stand and rise again. Though with a limp, the leg will heal and I'll be able to walk strong again. But if it is only I continue to walk and not stop and stop. It is painful, the knee, but I'm not walking alone. Jesus is walking with me. His hand can support me and not let me fall.
The song that really help me to really want to change is written by Geoff Bullock "I Will Never Be The Same Again"
I will never be the same again
I can never return
I've closed the door
I will walk the path, I'll run the race
And I will never be the same again
Fall like fire, soak like rain
Flow like mighty waters
Again and again
Sweep away the darkness
Burn away the chaff
And let the flame burn
To glorify Your name
There are higher heights
There are deeper seas
Whatever You need to do
Lord, do it in me
The glory of God fills my life
And I will never be the same again
A definite practice-what-you-preach song. But a very meaningful song to constantly remind us that we should close the door. Many times we leave the door open, in case we want to go back. Sometimes, we close the door but after that, open it again. For me, I would really want to bolt the door and walk away...never touching that doorknob again. I would sent the door to the shredder machine like the one in Monster Inc. Never entering it again. That would be cool. But do we really have a shredder machine in our lives like the one in Monster Inc.?
since this is my new blog. I WOULD appreciate it if you guys n gals would comment. Thanks a lot.
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
As I was crying away, unable to forgive myself, I wrote my journal with hate for myself. Jesus was just gently telling me that I should forgive myself. If not, He can't forgive me. I asked Him, "Why are You wasting Your time on me? Do I even deserve Your love? Why are You so gracious and loving? If I am You, I would punish me already. Why?" Those questions I asked, I had the answer. God's Word was the answer and I've read it.
His Word came assuring, "You know the answers yourself. You know that I love you that's why I created you. I know that My efforts on you are not wasted." Then this verse was able to reassure me, "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."
I have sinned. I have fallen short. I have tripped and fell on the rubbery track. Instead of rising up and brushing off the dust, I have sat down there and cried over a small abrasion. Did I not see the loving Saviour of mine coming with bandages and helping me up?
Because of Jesus, I could stand and rise again. Though with a limp, the leg will heal and I'll be able to walk strong again. But if it is only I continue to walk and not stop and stop. It is painful, the knee, but I'm not walking alone. Jesus is walking with me. His hand can support me and not let me fall.
The song that really help me to really want to change is written by Geoff Bullock "I Will Never Be The Same Again"
I will never be the same again
I can never return
I've closed the door
I will walk the path, I'll run the race
And I will never be the same again
Fall like fire, soak like rain
Flow like mighty waters
Again and again
Sweep away the darkness
Burn away the chaff
And let the flame burn
To glorify Your name
There are higher heights
There are deeper seas
Whatever You need to do
Lord, do it in me
The glory of God fills my life
And I will never be the same again
A definite practice-what-you-preach song. But a very meaningful song to constantly remind us that we should close the door. Many times we leave the door open, in case we want to go back. Sometimes, we close the door but after that, open it again. For me, I would really want to bolt the door and walk away...never touching that doorknob again. I would sent the door to the shredder machine like the one in Monster Inc. Never entering it again. That would be cool. But do we really have a shredder machine in our lives like the one in Monster Inc.?
since this is my new blog. I WOULD appreciate it if you guys n gals would comment. Thanks a lot.
::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::
First Day...Again
After NS, its time to have a new look on my blog. In the end, i changed everything. I mean, blogger looks tougher but here and there, i believe i can make the best. So, if you are here, don't go to http://thebestofrlcj.blogdrive.com anymore. I'm deleting that somewhen soon...
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