Past, Present and Today

Listening to: Lydia by F.I.R

Sigh...some people are just making me sizzle with jealousy and envy...*sob sob

I would like to own a lot of books that I think can help me to grow, but sadly, they not only don't exist in Malaysia bookstores, they also are pricey if they do. But it's always the former reason why I can't get those books.

For example (hint hint), Michelle McKinney Hammond wrote a lot of good books (not for guys though) and only some books exist in Malaysia...So usually I go to Amazon.com and just sigh over the table of contents...

There is more to life. There's gotta be more to life.

Yesterday, I started the day happy until someone turned up and boy, does that someone saddens me. Not so much lah. Just I became more reclusive...actually its twobodys. But ANYWAY...

Let me ask you a question: If you happen to know who's your future-to-be, would that idea be scary to you? It would be to me. I read of a woman who God showed her who her husband-to-be was and wow, they really got married. But it is really really freaky.

My past was not a happy one. Yes, though I may have grown up from a Christian home, but we weren't really Christians then. Backslidden? Dunno-lah. But I was a very talented actress. By actress here means, I cover up many things, especially myself. I never like my primary school, that's why I never wanted to go back and visit it. Ironically, I always remember the days when the most painful moments happened. I remember exactly the words they said, the words I said, the tears I cried, the feelings I felt.

My past was not a happy one. I chose not to be happy about it.

I was shrouded with fear ever since Primary 1 days. It lasted until the starting of Form 5. Yupz, it was that long. So if you count...11 years! About there lah. Must I say them again? I didn't stop there. I still have those fears. It only got a utmost breakthrough this year.

I recently (which is yesterday) wrote a song for girls who feel as if they are not compatible, not good enough for God. Hey, many many times, I feel like you, feeling that why am I even living in this world, like a fool, and all, falling into pitfalls and getting emotionally paralysed. Well, for the other girls who say that they have no problems like these, I really salute you!

But I only got the chorus right. So, verse have to wait.

You are My princess

You are My daughter

In My courts

I love you

You are My princess

The one that I've created

In My image

I made you

Well.

This is how it goes. Always remember, you are a princess in God's court. You are a daughter of the King. That's such a beautiful revelation. So, let us be like princesses, yeah? :)

Well, guys...you are still sons of King. So be our brothers and behave... Hehe...and we shall learn to behave too...

Aiyah, nuts liao.

::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::