Being Rebekah

It's been quite a while since I've written something reflective. Oh, I forgot. There's the birthday...

But that's different.

It was written in Chinese. A language that maybe most of my blog readers don't know how to read in...

Have been sleeping late again. Haven't been fulfilling my 8 hours sleep...:P, but that doesn't mean that I won't regulate my sleeping hours...just now these few days.

I have the habit of being very awake at night, though my mom and dad always cajole me to sleep earlier cause "you'll have less pimples." "your eyebags will be less." "you'll be healthier." and other sorts of reasons.

And I don't know why I still like the night.

Actually I don't. I like mornings. Like 5 in the morning. Like 6 in the morning. I love mornings. The realization of a new day dawning and the sun is about to rise in a few hours or minutes is very refreshing. Kinda like what the paraphrase says: "Sorrow may last for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

But I can't wake up in the mornings, because I sleep late at night.

Ever since I have stayed up a whole night before, I became very restless at night. I really don't know why. It's exciting, it's irritating, it's relaxing, it's depressing...

I am actually thinking of moving my blog somewhere...redesigning my page layout...changing my name...

There are times I feel like just lying my head down on the table and close my eyes, not to sleep. Just to be quiet.

Although it's the holidays, it's been a little hectic. But I'm enjoying almost every bit of it. I get to go to the gym to work out, watch my Korean dramas, read my books, bang on my piano all day long till I get very tired, be 'drunk' in listening to Narnia's soundtrack again and again, write Chinese songs, read Chinese idioms and Chinese dictionary, learn Korean words and expression, not fulfilling my goals...hahaha.

It's pretty relaxing and hectic at the same time. But I've become a very in-house person. I always imagine myself as some young woman enjoying life fully...like those people in dramas. Get to go shopping once in a while and being so healthy, having a splendid career, have many friends to have tea with, posh posh posh and all the other stuff...so feminine.

Yeah, some of you most probably choked on whatever you're swallowing this moment. Rebekah Lee and feminine seemed almost an oxymoron. Oh well...that happens when in front of some, I am such a feisty, tough G.I.Jane...and in front of others I am as shy as a mouse. So when I switch sides, people get a shock and think that I'm a queer person. Maybe that's why I always reject my crushes and admirers. Not funny.

But being too introvert has its lows. When Jared and Siu Fai spoke to me that Saturday, I totally clammed up like a shell...didn't know what to say to them. Only when I sat in the car then I "oh, I should have said that." I always feel at loss for words in front of them and some others. Oh God, please give me wisdom and wit.

Dreamed of the most unlikely person. Suddenly I miss that person. He had been one of the sweetest guys during high school. But I have always treated him as a big brother. Ah, I'll probably be speechless in front of him too.


Ah, I can be such a hopeless romantic sometimes.

And so contradictory.


Sigh.