无能 (Helpless)

Being a person born and bred in an imperfect world, I have seen many.

I've seen how people feel rejected.

I've seen how people feel depressed.

I've seen how people feel stressed.

I've seen how people feel confused.

I've seen how people feel helpless and hopeless.

...cause I am one of the people too.

I used to think that I can be an armchair detective. Or more of an armchair psychologist. I sit down, listen to the issue, and diagnose the problem from there.

But I often wonder how does psychologists feel when they listen to their patients?

You try to alienate yourself from the patient's emotional state and be neutral. But can you always do that? Especially if the patient shared a situation not unlike your own which you yourself have not resolved?

I tried to listen, but I'm such a talkative person it probably doesn't help much. But mind you, I do listen...to a good extent. I just like to voice my opinions.

However, there are few times when I tried to listen and I find myself speechless. I find myself unable to give an answer, unable to respond.

And I must always hold back reacting. I always need to ask myself, "Do I really think that's the right thing to say?"

Some people say I think too much. Others say I am being too dramatic.

Truth be told, I am an easily influenced person. That's probably why I get preconceived ideas and early prejudices very often.

However, that is another subject altogether.

But I am becoming more and more alienated. I have actually become more and more helpless.

There was one time someone was telling me about he/she being depressed. Frankly, I wasn't even sure how to respond. But all I remember was wishing that the person would stop telling me all these. I don't want to listen to it. Because I don't know what to say. Being a perfectionist, I dislike it when I don't know what to say, especially when I do know what to say.

All the sudden, I am running away from being someone people can run to.



Is it because I am becoming selfish and reaching in instead of reaching out?





I think so.



It's time to reach out again. And find back the caring Rebekah.

Picture from sxc.hu

Blue skies
Smiling at me
Nothing but blue skies
Do I see

Bluebirds
Singing a song
Nothing but bluebirds
All day long

Blue days
All of them gone
Nothing but blue skies
From now on

Irving Berlin - Blue Skies

on the other hand: I hope to write a story and make it into a film one day. Let's just hope my creative juices don't make the story boring. :)