Conscience Stricken...No?

Currently listening to: Wo Men De Ai by F.I.R, Seven Mile Fragrance by Jay Chou, Qing Tian by Jay Chou

She felt as if she was thin. Then she felt she was fat.

Her legs feel tired. She just went to Taipan in Subang in the afternoon. The day before, she went 1U with her sister and Purdy. Then the day before, she went to the Jabatan to renew her IC. On Monday, she went Ikano. This week had been really hectic.

The issue of integrity was like a video tape rerunning in her mind again and again. It was as if someone had pressed the Repeat button and forgot to turn it off.

Should I compromise? She knows how God will look on her when she stands before Him. On one hand, she didn't want to displease her friends. She was a people-pleaser, or at least she tried to do so. The other hand, there was Someone greater, stronger and firmer living in her reminded her about the consequence she will face. A greater desire stirred within her. She don't want to hurt the One she loves.

She didn't compromise. She ended up in Taipan instead with her mother, her sister and their friends.

She do wish that her life was like a drama. Maybe it's just a dream. All just a bad dream. She will soon wake up. She could only laugh at herself. Be realistic! She can't deny it. Why not just live her life?

Soon, she was fantasizing her future. Where would she go? Korea? Singapore? Australia? Japan? America? Or stay here in Malaysia? What would she work as? Business woman? Biomedical scientist? PR officer? Teacher? Graphics Artist? Or just fly around with nothing to do? What kind of life will she lead? Easy? Hard? Carefree? Whole? Different from now? She do wish that she could be much different than who she is now. She is growing up after all. She wants to be different.

The book that she borrowed from the library last week still lay there on her stool. The title was enough to raise questions. Lord, I Want To Be Whole. She struggled with her thoughts yesterday. She wonders why can't she grow up, get married and then live like Stormie? Then she could piece back her life one by one. Yet, a Voice spoke within her. Why wait? Isn't it better to start early and be whole earlier? Her eyes nearly teared.

God wasn't joking when He said that He has a plan for her. Yes, she can look at her future and smile slightly. Yes, I will be different. I pray that I will be.

The clouds cleared up for a while.

And the music play on with Jay Chou singing: Qing Tian (Cloudless Sky)



::Day and night I'll stick with GOD;I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go::